A mother’s work…

Today turned into a bit of a hectic one, decided to go to the supermarket this morning, then decided to take Owen to mums so she could spend some time bonding with him and I could go round the supermarket in my own time. Dropped himbo at mums, did the shop, took much longer than I thought (although to be honest no longer than usual, I just underestimated) and then drove back to mums where I found a very happy Owen eating banana and rice cake in his little chair on the kitchen floor. I joined him there and we had a sort of kitchen floor picnic, then I gave him a milk feed and then we drove back to mine with the shopping piled sky high in the car, slightly stressed because dad was on his way over for a rehearsal of the hymns we are doing for Rob and Em’s wedding. Managed to get all the shopping, plus the baby into the house before dad turned up, then had a couple of hours of practice which was quite manic because Owen kept crawling/rolling about and wanting attention, so perhaps we didn’t get quite so much done as we could have. But I am now playing the mandolin, and have learned all the chords now to Amazing Grace and Down by the Riverside and can play reasonable renditions of both. DBTRS sounds fantastically hillbilly with the mandolin!

After dad had gone, walked up to the parking shop to get my parking permits for the next two weeks, then back home for a milk feed and I thought maybe Owen would have a little nap but he didn’t - well, 10 mins maximum – then did tea which was very quick pitta bread with dips and salad. Owen wasn’t really into it that much though, I think he’d had a long day with a lot going on and wasn’t in the mood really. He also seemed to have a bit of a reaction, not a bad one but his skin came up quite red and bumpy on his hands and wrists and round his mouth. But he was okay in himself, he didn’t respond as he usually does with screaming and scratching so I didn’t give him Piriton. Then it was bathtime, with the usual shennanigans, then bedtime and luckily he went down pretty quickly after two pages of Wind in the Willows. Then I had a shepherds pie to cook before the mince went off, and also made some veggie stock and the washin up, and hung the washing out, and tidied the lounge which was complete mayhem, and… oh, I can’t remember what else but I’m sure there was more… and there are still the mess mats to wipe down and some dirty nappies to sort out…

A mother’s work, eh?!

First spag bog: essential photo opp!

Some of it may even have gone in his mouth!

I am trying to email and organise some of the mums from the mother and baby group to meet up this morning and its a nightmare. Not only because the mums are being flaky, but also because Owen is kicking the laptop as hard as he can. He managed to shut it down with his foot earlier, not quite sure how. But he does have very clever feet.

So what’s been going on in the Kingdom of Nipperoo? Well, my clever little man is getting a lot more mobile now. He can roll from back to front and front to back now, and does so more often. He seems to have realised that it can actually move him from A to B and get him places. He has also crawled a bit more now, still a sort of commando style slither, but again, he’s getting a bit more coordinated. He gtets into his crawling position usually from sitting up – first he does a nose-dive into the duvet or whatever he’s sitting on, then he squirms until his feet have inextricated themselves, then he lifts his bum up and pushes out with his feet. Sometimes this moves him a little way, sometimes it doesn’t. Usually he ends up shrieking in frustration, anyway!

Weaning is progressing, if slowly. I’m still persevering with baby-led weaning. We both get a bit more confident with each meal – at first I was terrified of him choking or having a reaction. Now I’m a bit more blase about it. He has had reactions, but none of them have been serious. And he gags quite a lot still, but always manages to get out lumps that are too much for him. I am learning to sit back and trust him more.  I’m not continually reaching out to try and grab things out of his mouth anyway. It is a massive learning curve for both of us, and we’ve a long way to go yet.

The best thing is that Owen really does seem to enjoy mealtimes, even if I am not quite there yet. He had spaghetti bolognese the other day and it was very funny to watch, he just kind of grabbed handfuls of it and threw it around, at me, on the floor, on the TV, etc. Some of it even went in his mouth! I need to find ways of making food that make it relatively easy for him to hold food, too. It’s not very fair to give him stuff he hasn’t a hope in hell of getting to his mouth, to be honest. It puts me in mind of a greek myth but I can’t quite remember which one – something to do with someone being tied up and a feast put in front of him that he could not quite reach…. but the spag bog was an essential photo opp, at any rate, even if not entirely nutritionally valuable!

Amazing Grace

Feeling a little emotional today. Owen had another allergic reaction. I gave him bread and papaya today – well, toast actually, with mashed papaya on because he likes papaya.  He also had bread yesterday, and some chicken, with no reaction. So why did he react today? He’s had papaya loads of times with no problems. He got upset, crying and scratching, he got an angry red rash all round his mouth and nettle rash on his hands. I had five minutes of cold, naked fear where I thought he might go into an anaphylactic reaction, he was squealing and clawing at himself and I was beside myself. Picking him up did not help, putting him down made him worse… Dad turned up on the doorstep at this point, thank god, and I burst into tears again – but as soon as he saw dad, Owen grinned a great big gummy grin as if nothing was the matter!

I just don’t know what to think. I can’t believe that he even ingested that much of it to give a reaction. He does seem to react to fruit more than anything else, but he’s been fine with papaya before. Is it a reaction to gluten in the bread? But I thought that gluten problems were more like an intolerance that would manifest itself quite slowly, as opposed to an immediate reaction… but then I really don’t know that much about intolerances and allergies, since I don’t have any myself.  And what’s with the sudden stopping of the crying and scratching in order to smile at my dad, who he barely knows? Is he faking it? Are six month old babies capable of such dissembling?! I somehow doubt it!

Anyway, dad and I entertained Owen by playing guitar at him for a couple of hours – he was actually very well behaved, considering! He does like listening to guitar, though. He will sit and listen to me playing for quite long periods. We were rehearsing two songs for my brother’s wedding – Amazing Grace and Down by the Riverside. It is slightly strange, playing such overtly religious songs – and even stranger, considering that my brother is even more of a devout atheist than I am, but he wants those songs so I will play them. I do love Amazing Grace, it is a really beautiful song and actually makes me cry. But when I sing the lyrics, I am not thinking about Jesus, I am thinking about my little boy and how much I love him.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found
Was blind, but now I see.

T’was Grace that taught my heart to fear.
And Grace my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
the hour I first believed.

 Through many dangers, toils and snares
we have already come.
T’was Grace that brought us safe thus far
and Grace will lead us home.

Roast potato gets the thumbs up!

8am. I’m drinking tea and Owen is rolling around on the bed and blowing raspberries. I was supposed to be meeting up with my cousin and a friend this afternoon but this was cancelled last night so am at a bit of a loose end today. It’s hard, when everyone is going back to work and I am not. I guess I will have to make my own entertainment today. This will probably involve a walk along the prom into town and spending money.

I had the most horrendous tummy bug yesterday. Woke in the night with stomach pains and felt nauseous and weird. Owen actually slept through for 10 hours straight, for the first time! I, on the other hand, barely slept at all, and just lay there going slowly crazy in the dark. Did I have pork flu or whatever it’s called? Was Owen going to get it? Had he already got it? Better check he’s still breathing… etc. etc. Spent the morning alternating between running to the loo and collapsing back into bed exhausted. Owen didn’t seem particuarly bothered, he did kind of look at me as if to say, come on mum, you’re usually more fun than this..

Managed to haul myself up at 11am and then by lunchtime I felt a lot better, by the evening I still didn’t have much of an appetite but managed to cook a roast dinner and eat most of it! Owen had a good lot of it too, courgette, butternut squash, carrot and a roast potato – which he stuffed skin and all into his mouth then sat there looking pleased with himself with cheeks all plumped out and a stray bit of potato hanging out the corner. I know that I should have just left him to cope with it but I couldn’t help myself, I had to pull it out for him. It’s a scary business, this baby-led weaning. Owen’s problem is that he gets so excited and carried away that he attacks food like a madman and shoves it all in, then gags and most of it comes out again. He has to learn that stuffing whole vegetables in is not a good plan. But then its so hard to watch him struggle with a mouthful of potato/courgette/whatever.

Moment of crisis: is it the right decision to stay in Worthing? I feel acutely lonely this morning, no one except me to watch Owen grow up, roll around, blow raspberries, suck his toes, eat a roast potato. Is it right for him? But why would it be any different if I was in Cambridge? I guess it’s just that all my friends are there, and I miss them. But they are not family. Owen needs to be near family, my mum, my brother. I know its for the best.

I got me a little crawler!

It’s been a while since I wrote my blog, I guess I’ve been quite busy… how I ever manage to find the time to come on the internet I don’t know! Today has been pretty busy, have been over to see Tina and Fred this afternoon, but Owen went down quickly and without fuss tonight at 7.3o which is a little earlier than normal, so I thought I’d catch up on the blog.

Went to Cambridge at the weekend. It was both fun, and a little strange being back in my old home town. It was like stepping back into a pair of well worn shoes after a break from them – slightly uncomfortable at first but soon you forget you were ever out of them.  Mum came with us, to keep Owen company in the car. Owen found it a bit tiring, I think – we did a LOT of socialising and although he is quite a sociable baby, he is used to being able to come home with me and have peace and quiet and down time where he just plays with his toys and has his mummy to himself. I was shattered too, by the end of Saturday, and had a very poorly tummy too, which I still have, eurgh. Saw my work friends on Friday, and met a mum who I know through Facebook and her little baby girl, then went back to Fi’s in the evening and also saw Alan. On Saturday I met a mum and baby I know through my forum, and then went to see Shawn, Linda and Isaac. It was amazing to see Isaac, he is so gorgeous! The last time I saw him he was in intensive care, hooked up to all sorts of monitors and tubes everywhere, this little tiny vulnerable creature that made me cry… now he’s a big, loud baby! In fact he was louder than Owen, and kept making Owen cry by squeaking loudly. Owen is so hyper-sensitive to other babies noises – he always cries when they cry, or even when they just squeal! My big, silly, beautiful baby!

He's a guitar man!

Owen is coming on in leaps and bounds at the moment! On Saturday, he crawled for the first time. It was on the bed at Fi’s house, in the morning and he crawled from one side nearly to the other! Fi was there to witness it too! I was very excited, although this makes everything much more complicated.. need to baby-proof the house urgently! He also rolled a few times, from back to front and vice versa. He now has two teeth, and is eating two meals a day (from today). He manages to play with some of his more complex toys now, and knows that different toys need to be played with in different ways. He surprises me every single day by doing new things. He even played ‘Summertime’ on the guitar yesterday…

Stuff, stuff and more stuff.

This photo has nothing to do with my post but I love it so here it is anyway!

It never ceases to amaze me, how much ’stuff’ a baby requires. On one outing to Arundel for Sunday lunch, the following was necessary to jam into my quite small Vauxhall Corsa:

1 Baby Seat

1 Buggy that Takes up The Entire Boot of My Car

1 Change Bag, containing 3 nappies, nappy bags, spare set of clothes in case of bottom accidents, muslin, wipes, change mat… etc. Oh, and a hat.

1 Lunch Box containing steamed sweet potato and courgette, 1 Plate, 1 Cup, 1 Beaker containing Cool Boiled Water

1 Parasol in case of sun

1 Umbrella in case of rain

1 Blanket in case of cold

3 Toys (that’s quite restrained for me actually)

1 Granny and 1 Grandad

1 Mum and…

1 Baby.

How I ever make it out of my front door never ceases to amaze me. I have, however, developed a worrying habit of leaving my flat door wide open when I go out. I think it may be to do with my brain telling me that there is always one more thing to remember. Like when you take the plug out of the sink after doing the washing up. Sorry, I don’t know what on earth I am going on about in this post, I think I may have lost the plot completely!

Of seagulls and their daft offspring…

I feel anxious today. I don’t know why, really – maybe it is just amalgamated lack of sleep for five months. Owen has been very whingey today, too and earlier I didn’t know what to do with him at all, he’d had a nice long nap, and a good feed, and still was crying and fidgety. Then I just lay him on his wriggle rug and gave him a monster caterpillar (or is it a centipede, I can’t work it out) and he has been happy as larry for the last twenty minutes, giggling and playing away. Reminder to self: sometimes less is more and sometimes more is more, and you will not know which is true of  a baby unless you try it.

There was a baby seagull in the back garden at five thirty this morning, squawking pathetically through a megaphone right outside the window. His mum sat on the roof, shrieking like a banshee through a PA system hired for Glastonbury, seemingly. This duet woke Owen up, who decided it would be a good idea to join in. I woke to these beautiful harmonies, which continued till seven, although I think Owen did drop off again at some point. The baby seagull was still there when we got back from mother and baby group, so I opened the back gate and let it out. I felt somehow that I ought to be more concerned for its welfare, being a mum myself and all, that it ought to bring out my mothering instinct… but all I could think about was, how great it would be if I had a shotgun, I could shoot any seagull and its daft offspring that ventured into my path.

Now, does that make me a horrible person, or just a normal person? There is a contingent of seagull lovers in my road who would say the former, no doubt…

Wean, baby, wean!

Owen tucks into carrot for the first time.

Have been swimming today, with mum. Owen seemed much happier in the water than he does in his lessons so I’m thinking of stopping them for now. They are so expensive, and he doesn’t seem to be enjoying them that much so its a no-brainer really. Other news… I am shattered, Owen is waking up a lot at night at the moment, three, sometimes four times and I am like a zombie. I can’t wait for the day he sleeps through!

The major thing at the moment is weaning. Its going well, one meal a day – lunch, because he’s always in a reasonably good mood around lunchtime, whereas at dinner time he can be a bit tired and cross. I’ll keep him on just lunches for a couple of weeks, then introduce breakfast and finally the evening meal when I feel he’s getting the hang of it. He’s doing brilliantly, considering he’s a bit young for baby-led weaning. He can pick up food and bring it to his mouth, he’s tasted loads of different things now and has even swallowed some of it (proof is in the poo if you know what I mean!!) Courgette is his favourite food at the moment, by a long way.

Baby led weaning is a messy business, though. I bought a shower curtain and cut it into four for mess mats, and I’m using old baby-gros put on him back-to-front as all over bibs, which works well. I did try him with a sheet with a hole cut in it, but it gets in the way of his arms so he got a bit frustrated. He also gets a bit cross when he can’t pick things up – like avocado and papaya. Actually, that’s an understatement. He goes mental. He tries to pick it up, it slips out of his hand. He tries again, it breaks and goes in his lap. He sort of barks, then looks at me in sheer disgust, then his face crumples, he shrieks at the top of his lungs and tries to launch himself backwards out of his bumbo chair. If he’s wearing the sheet, this gets in his way so he ends up chewing on a piece of sheet as opposed to avocado, which also doesn’t help his mood. So I am giving him a little help with picking things up at the moment, I know it’s sort of cheating but I can’t sit by and watch him struggle, it wouldn’t be fair really! You try picking up avocado – it aint easy even for a forty year old!

I love him so much my teeth hurt

Shhh… Owen is asleep! This is his new thing, he wakes very early, around 6am, huffs and puffs and kicks till mum wakes up and plays with him, then almost like clockwork, bang on 9am just as mum has woken up fully, dressed and is getting into the day, he goes off to sleep again! I don’t mind really, it does give me a chance to do stuff, have a bath and things but I could really do with the extra sleep myself, and I just can’t sleep at this time of day. Once I’m up, that’s it. I guess it does mean that he is in a much better mood later on in the day though. Oh, it’s a hard life, being a baby!

Today is Owen’s hospital dermatology appointment, and, as if on cue, his skin is looking peachy and smooth as a baby’s bottom, to quote a phrase (actually Owen’s bottom strangely enough looks like it’s got cellulite, and isn’t smooth at all!). I am hoping that the dermatologist won’t just think I’m a paranoid, overreacting mummy. Luckily the doctors have referred me so they have to take it seriously. Don’t they? Well, we’ll see. He may have to have a blood test as well, as the doctor has recommended he has allergy tests. Aargh, I really am not looking forward to that. I absolutely hate seeing Owen have needles stuck in him. I hate having needles stuck in me, I can’t imagine how he feels, my little man.

Every day that passes at the moment brings new developments, now. I think Owen is going through a kind of developmental frenzy, he’s just started sitting up on his own. He loves standing up and can support his own weight – that’s happened very quickly. He is starting to roll onto his side from his back more. He is showing signs of wanting to crawl, but hasn’t quite coordinated lifting head and bum off the floor at the same time yet. He’s having one meal a day – lunch, and eating things like courgette, carrot, parsnip, banana, sweet potato, cucumber. I’m avoiding acidic fruits for now, since he’s reacted to grape and melon. He’s cutting another tooth, I think. This morning he brushed his tooth for the first time! Well, he chewed a toothbrush. But it’s a start! It made me want to laugh and cry at the same time, watching him happily chewing his new toothbrush.

To quote a friend, who said this of her partner but it’s so true of how I feel about Owen… “I love him so much my teeth hurt”.