More clever stuff…

 

Standing up on his own, and rather chuffed with himself!

This really has to be a quick post! It’s been a pretty hectic weekend, Fi came down from Cambridge and we went out on Saturday night – scary! My second night out without the little guy. I was much less stressed, and he was fine, he didn’t wake up once thank goodness. Mum and John baby-sat for me.

Problem was, we both had really bad tummies this morning! I felt like death, actually. I think it could have been the rice (we went for a curry). But it did get better fairly quickly and then we went over to Brighton to see Fi’s friend Rachel, who is five months pregnant. So I am now absolutely shattered! Tomorrow there is a mini festival just r0und the corner from me and I’m going down with Owen to meet up with a friend of my brother’s who’s band is playing there. Hope the weather’s good.

The main reason I wanted to post though is that Owen has now stood up on his own! He was messing around with his musical walker and sort of half kneeling, half sitting in front of it. He reached up to get to one of the things on the top of it and the next thing I knew he was standing up! He stood up for ages, too – I caught him on video doing it. This was two days ago, and he did it again today, my clever little fella!

I am not good marriage fodder.

The second biggest milestone event of this year has finally happened – the first being the birth of Owen, of course! The second was another life event, not in my life but my brother’s. My brother got married, at last. I am ecstatic for him, because I really believe that my brother is the nicest person I have ever met, and until he met his wife (wow, it sounds so weird saying that!) he was terribly unlucky in love. It seems to be the case, doesn’t it, that the nicest people have the hardest time in matters of the heart. I could never understand why he was on his own for so long, and then when he did meet someone she turned out to be an emotional fuck up who messed with Rob’s head until he didn’t know if he was coming or going. I could not believe the way she treated him. But then he met the lovely Emily, and that was a match made in heaven. Apologies for the cliche, but it is very applicable.

It’s ironic, really, that my brother should be the one who makes it up the aisle before me – I have had the opportunity to do that particular little walk three times and each time I have bottled out. But then I think I always felt that Rob should be the one to settle down and marry, and have kids. Okay, so I beat him to the having kids thing but then time is a little more pressing for me. I think of all the people I know and have known, Rob deserves true happiness more than anyone. I, on the other hand, don’t. I’m not nice in the same way as he is. He would drop everything to help a friend. He would give you the shirt from his back if you had a need of it, and he’d do it happily with no ulterior motive. He is clever, kind, eccentric, creative and fun. He met someone who is all those things, too, and that is the most amazing thing in the world. That there would be someone deserving of my brother, and she lives in the same town!

I cried the night before the wedding, because I think I have had my chances and I have been the one to reject them. I don’t think I will be able to fall in love now, not in the way that Rob and Emily have. I am too old and cynical about things, I can’t compromise or give myself totally to someone in the same way that Rob does, that Emily does. I’m not nice enough, not kind enough, not generous enough to make a success out of a relationship, can’t commit to someone for life, can’t live with anyone for longer than six months, don’t like living with someone else’s bad habits, have too  many bad habits to even mention. I am just not good marriage fodder, basically.

Well, anyway, I am not even ready for thinking about relationships, clearly. The love that I have for Owen is more than enough, and takes every second of my time, every ounce of my energy and every particle of my being. I love him totally, and can forgive him all his bad habits, including the ‘not wanting to go to sleep tonight’ habit, which I have suffered this evening!

As safe as an electricity substation

Just a quick post as I really MUST go to bed! I thought I’d better record this for posterity. Owen can now sit up from lying down. He rolls onto his front, draws his legs up and sticks his bum in the air, and then lifts himself up on his hands and raises his head and finally he is sitting up! He does this quite quickly now, too. He is also pulling himself up to kneeling on things, like his cot and his walker – and I saw him trying to do it on the coffee table but he didn’t make it. Luckily, since what he was actually after on the coffee table was a pair of nail scissors! Suddenly I decided that now is the time to make baby-safe my flat, which is probably about as safe as an electricity substation at the moment. I had to move the cot base down to the low position yesterday as I was slightly worried he would tip himself over the edge! Photo to follow when I’m not so zonked… (have been making salmon fishcakes tonight!)

Weaning is still going well, Owen has started doing semi-solid poos – I was so excited when I found the first solid poo that I nearly phoned mum! How sad is that?! But it means that he is eating a lot more than I actually thought he was. I sort of thought that most of the food I gave him was somehow or another finding its way into his trousers. But clearly some of it is going down the right way. I think it might be because I have started waiting longer at the table for him to get his second wind – he starts off playing with his food a lot, but after around 20 minutes he seems to start getting serious about it and actually start eating properly. Also, if I try to ignore him or move out of his line of sight he always starts eating! Mealtimes are rather lengthy affairs at the moment, we can be sitting at the table for 45 minutes sometimes!

My little man is getting such a character now, he is learning and changing every day, he is becoming a human being and it’s fascinating and beautiful and I feel incredibly privileged to be part of this process and to be able to watch this happening on a daily basis. My love knows no bounds.

Where’s the room for spontaneity?

It’s so easy to get caught up in the everyday, mundane stuff, isn’t it? I suddenly seem to be completely dependent on all these little routines and rituals that I’ve set up to get us through each day with the minimum of fuss. And each little routine has its own subroutines… I’m beginning to feel like a robot, not a mum! The morning routine, which includes the tooth cleaning routine and the breakfast routine (amongst other things). The lunchtime routine. Going out routines. Playtime routines. Bedtime routine (the important one!) I am happy to say that these routines DO work – each day DOES go moreorless smoothly. But it does tend to lead to me feeling a little anxious about days when the routine has to go out of the window. I feel like my logic circuits break down or something. A meal at 3 in the afternoon? That is illogical, Captain. Bed without bath? I’m sorry Dave, I’m afraid I can’t do that. What is happening to me? I am becoming what I fear most, someone who is set in their ways.

No – I will not let this happen! I will be spontaneous and random! I will throw caution to the wind and have meals at different times, and sometimes not bathe my baby! Let the Weetabix/porridge/spaghetti bolognese decorate his beautiful face till tomorrow – who cares? It’s not going to kill him, is it?! If it is sunny tomorrow, I will run down to the sea and jump in, baby and all!

Well, after nappy change and toothbrushing and breakfast and another nappy change and breastfeed are out of the way that is. Oh, and the washing up. And then it will probably be about time for getting lunch ready… hmmm, where’s the room for spontaneity in there?!

Babies are strange creatures…

Owen's new preferred sleeping position!

This morning I caught Owen licking the floor. He’d just had his breakfast too! Later, I left him in one place and went out of the room for about 30 seconds. On my return, he was the other side of the rug, virtually with his face squished up to the TV. He is such a tele addict! I will have to be very careful about how much TV he watches. He loves the radio too, although I suspect it is the nice pointy, potentially dangerous aerial that he is fascinated by, rather than the actual music coming out of it.

Of course, he is fascinated by anything matt black and boring looking, like mobile phones, computers, remote controls. Anything that dribble doesn’t mix with, he will dribble into. I offer him lovely colourful toys with exciting moving parts that make exciting noises, and he grunts and throws them to one side after 5 seconds, in favour of a dull black remote control that will keep him occupied for 10 minutes or longer.

Rolling and crawling has also led to some rather bizarre sleeping positions. I took him out of his sleeping bag two nights ago because it was hot, and because he tends to get himself in a twist. So back to sheet and blanket. Ten minutes after putting him down I went back in to check on him and he had crawled right up to the top of the cot and gone to sleep next to his crocodile, with his head squashed against the bars and his bum in the air.

Babies are strange creatures!

Nose-grabbing, hair-yanking, nipple-pinching…

Me and Owen create some human artwork in the park.

Problems, problems, problems. This weaning business is fraught! Owen had a quite severe rash reaction to yoghurt yesterday morning. His whole face erupted in red blotches and some hives, after 3 teaspoons of natural yoghurt. It was horrible, and although the rash went down fairly quickly after I gave him Piriton I felt drained and upset for quite a long time afterwards, and had a terrible headache. I’ve now been back to the doctor and she has referred me to a paediatrician at the hospital. It seems fairly likely that he has a dairy intolerance or some sort of milk-linked allergy so I now can’t give him any cows milk products. It means I have to be really careful what I give him. I don’t mind this really but I feel upset for my little man. I hope this is just a passing thing that he’ll grow out of. Otherwise he’ll have to spend his whole life avoiding dairy products. I know it’s not exactly the worst thing in the world, but he won’t be able to have ice cream, or chocolate, or cakes, or cheese on toast, or buttered crumpets… oh you know, all those lovely, unhealthy things that make life worth living!

Moving on… Owen has started bashing me around! First thing in the morning is the worst – he grabs my nose, yanks my hair, pinches my nipples and my cheeks, grabs my lip and pulls it, all the time grinning insanely (except when I’m getting my boob out to feed him, when he accompanies his pinching with high-pitched shrieking. He’s like a baby possessed! Today mum and I took him to the park that is 2 minutes away and we had a picnic. He immediately started grabbing everything in sight, mainly the things I didn’t want him to have, he wouldn’t sit upright and kept twisting himself round or pitching forward onto his face and trying to crawl but failing. He will be crawling soon I think, he’s almost got it but not quite.

I got a bit cross with mum today. She said ‘goodness he’s going to be a volatile child isn’t he.’ I do not think this is a very positive thing to say about a six month old baby. Just because he was doing his usual shrieking while I was trying to get my boob out to feed him. I got very grumpy and stalked home, and mum went home. I wish I had not got stroppy but I couldn’t help it and then I couldn’t get myself out of the mood I was in. I tried to call her but there was no answer. I will call her tomorrow. She winds me up so much sometimes! Is this something all mothers do to their children?

Shepherd’s Pie not flavour of the month…

This will be a short post as I’m knackered and really want my bed! I was going to try to finish my painting tonight but it didn’t happen – I did, however, make a lentil soupy type thing which I will attempt to get at least some of down Owen’s neck tomorrow for his tea. I gave him home-made shepherds pie tonight which he didn’t like – I presume he didn’t anyway judging by his rather hysterical reaction to it. But I’m not sure whether this is because he couldn’t actually pick it up that easily or if it was the taste. I did put three cloves of garlic in.

I need to start keeping a diary of Owen’s food intake, how he responds, how his skin is from day to day and any reactions. I do keep a note of what food he has, but not in detail. Today he had a reaction at lunchtime to something – I gave him wholemeal toast with cream cheese and steamed apple. He also reacted last night and he also had cream cheese last night, so I suspect that’s what he’s reacted to. However, there was milk and butter in the shepherds pie tonight and he didn’t have a reaction, although that might be because he didn’t really eat much of it.

Tomorrow I may give him a little bit of cream cheese in the morning, on its own, to see if he reacts to it. That’s the only way I will be able to tell if that is what he’s reacting to. I felt terribly low after lunch today, having had that panicky, heart-stopping moment again when his face broke out in hives and he started getting hysterical and scratching himself. I barely eat anything some mealtimes now because I’m so conscious of what he’s doing and I’m waiting to see if he reacts or not. I know I shouldn’t, and I should just eat as normal but its so hard. I think I should also plan what I give him each day for the week ahead, which will be one less thing to worry about.

Bedtime, I think. I just heard the wee man snuffling on the monitor, I hope he gives me a good night – he’s been very kind to me the last few nights and only woke once.