Did this, did that. Started new job – well OLD job, actually! Working for my old publishing company now but from home, and part time which is really good. It’s a few more hours than my last job but pretty much double the money – double the stress too, I hasten to add! I’ve got a six month probation period so will review it after four months or so to see if its working out. I do have to go up to Cambridge to the office once every two weeks, which means getting up at about 5am, which is horrid, and not seeing Owen all day, not to get him up or put him to bed so I don’t see him at all which is even more horrid. But I need the work, and it’s good to be back doing publishing work – a proper job! I feel very strongly that I want to be working to provide for Owen. Not just for the money side of things, which is of course important, but more importantly, so that he gets a good example from me about work and how money comes into the household. I want him to see mummy working, not just getting money for nothing on benefits. I suppose it’s about my own pride too, and about having a profession that I’d proud to be part of, doing work making books or CDs etc. that I’m proud of. I like being a publishing power mummy! I just hope that it all works out. But one thing is for sure – I don’t want it to take over my life, I want a good life/work balance. If it starts eating into my time with Owen I will drop it, like a ton of bricks.
Owen is amazing. I am constantly amazed at him, what he does, what he says, every day more independent, funnier, more communication, more evidence of a truly creative intelligence in that beautiful head of his. Have I written about his little scenarios that he thinks of, like the washing line wanting crunchy nut cornflakes for dinner? Or that his socks are sad (therefore he won’t wear them – actually it’s the monkeys on them that are sad apparently… and he won’t be told otherwise!) He’s got a molar coming through at the moment and it’s hurting him to eat. Plus he’s having restless nights, which I think is probably also the tooth. Can’t remember if I’ve mentioned but his dairy allergy is improving a lot – he’s having little bits of milk and cheese every day now and hasn’t had any reaction for ages, which is fantastic! Still allergic to egg though.
I’m feeling tired tonight. Working 8 hour days, even at home, is intense. I should have been putting price labels on stuff tonight because I’m doing a car boot sale on Sunday with a friend in Daphne. But I had to show someone the car (I’m selling it) and then Owen wouldn’t go to sleep so I brought him into my bed and just lay quietly with him while he fidgeted like the most fidgety squirrel in the entire world, kicked me in the head, pulled my hair, whacked me in the face, and generally just MOVED himself to sleep eventually… so I then put him to bed but by then I’d virtually drifted off myself (amazingly!) so it was very hard to motivate myself to do anything except drink a glass of wine. It’s actually half past ten now although according to the WordPress clock it’s half nine. Yawn. I’m not working tomorrow, thank goodness, so I’ve got Owen time tomorrow morning, and in the afternoon Owen’s in nursery so I’m going to PC World to get a printer. Owen kind of jumped on mine and now it kind of doesn’t work.
It’s funny but haven’t had any anxiety symptoms for a while now and haven’t even noticed until I just thought about it then! Feeling pretty relaxed about things generally, bar the odd cross moment I’ve had recently. Owen still has these mental moments when he just loses it completely and it’s really hard to calm him down – I don’t seem to be able to do anything right. After nursery he’s worst and I thought it was because he was tired, but now I’m starting to wonder. And sometimes mum is totally maddening and I just want to move out and find somewhere for just me and Owen. But all in all things are looking pretty okay right now.
Right I MUST sleep.
